Today was one of those days that I knew would happen. I did what I needed to do today, but I spent some time dealing with the inevitable “Oh my, what have I done?” feeling. I left my comfortable, secure job to fight my way though being a solo practitioner and having to make my own wind!
I started my day in the courthouse, again
This is probably how I am going to start my days for the foreseeable future, I know. And really, I am pretty happy that this is my life now. Objectively viewed, I know that this was going to be a tough month and I wasn’t going to start making six-figures right away. I went to Court today and sat in on some trials and was acknowledged by the judges, but got no cases out of being there. So today was a non-earning day.
Like I said, I knew that I wasn’t going to earn money quickly and that my business wouldn’t be an overnight success. I was ok starting my business in December because I knew that I wasn’t going to get a lot of work right out of the gate anyway, so why not start in a month when not a lot of people are spending money on lawyers? And I am not even upset about how income has been over the last week, I have done better than I projected initially.
But I did deal with a little bit of anxiety today about the future. I think this is normal, and I am walking through it because I don’t really have any choice at this point. I’m a lawyer now and I can’t go back, this decision wasn’t taken lightly and I know I have to keep going.
Handling the fear and doubt
I found myself sitting in my office staring at the wall after working on a project with my “What have I done?” feeling, so I decided to do productive things to at least make me a better lawyer. I sat down with a Wills & Trusts treatise and read caselaw on Estates law for a couple of hours. I was tempted to work on some marketing or blogging, but I decided that I have been doing lots of marketing but not enough sitting with the law.
One of my fears about being a new lawyer is that I am focusing a lot of time on getting new clients and doing the work that I have, but not learning about other areas that I’d like to practice. I remember a lawyer telling me right after I took the bar that I knew more about the law right then than I ever would again, so I better get to practicing. I’m not sure that this is truly the case, but I do know that right before taking the bar I felt like I knew a little bit about a whole lot and now I am not as confident about that breadth of knowledge – I am a lot more familiar with the areas that I have been focusing on, but I am constantly amazed at how much I have to learn. I guess that is just part of the deal.
If the new-practice anxiety persists
Tomorrow I am going to get up, put on my tie, and go to work. If I am still worrying about not getting clients I’ll do something about it. I still have a few marketing ideas that I haven’t put into play, so maybe I’ll work on some of those.
Also, I’m going to keep telling myself that this isn’t a sprint. I’m new at getting clients and pulling in business, and a week ago I was worried that was going to be too busy to do the work that I had. I think this is probably going to be a constant theme for the next few months while I get used to the initial go-go-go of new cases mixed with the long periods in between transactions or appearances when I don’t have a bunch to do.
Despite the anxiety, this was the right thing
The bottom line is that I am doing what I wanted to do. I’m practicing law on my own, and nobody said it was going to be easy. As a matter of fact, everyone said it was going to be hard. I said it was going to be hard. But I know that the reward will outweigh any discomfort I might have in the next few weeks or months. I’m doing this.